My Precious Body

'Resting Peace'

copyright 1998 by Shiloh Moore

Watercolour on A3 paper.

I painted 'Resting Peace' 15 years ago when I was 18 and dependent on a wheelchair to leave the house, recovering from a full year totally bedridden barely able to talk or eat or sit up.  My mother bathed and fed me during this time and even this was a mammoth effort for me.  The blues and purples in the outside of the picture represent the ease of the world, the beauty outside of my body.  The reds of my body represent pain and discomfort, blood stagnant and aching all over.  This was my rest.  I would try to tune out the pain in my body and see if I could notice and take on the outside stimulus of the gentle blues.  Mostly I was overwhelmed with the pain.

At this time I hated my body as all it brought me was pain and exhaustion and thousands of terrible symptoms.  I felt caged in this body, trapped, being tortured, no way out...  

Now, 15 years later and still experiencing extreme pain constantly, I realise it's not my body that confines me and causes me grief.  My poor little body is so weakend by this powerful illness and yet it still keeps going, keeps fighting, keeps me alive to experience the love, small joys and simple pleasures of this wonderful world.  It allows me to experience existence.  

My body is not a cage trapping me in torture, it is an amazingly strong and resilient beautiful marvel coping with a massive load while still helping me experience this life, which beyond the illness is precious.  My body's a fighter, powerful and valuable.  Oh little body how I love you.

When I'm in a lot of pain I now talk to my body, encourage it kindly to keep going, thanking it for surviving thus far, asking it to continue.  The other night I couldn't sleep due to pain so I lay awake talking to my body giving it love.  I wrote this:  

"My Precious Body'

copyright Shiloh Moore 15/9/13

Precious brave body

keep fighting

You deal with so much

such a heavy load

for such young shoulders

Keep on Keeping on

Look after you

Stay strong - 

You can do it.

You live so broken

so frail

so invaded

yet you survive

and continue to live 

using great strength.

You experience life so richly and deeply

even when you are forced to have bedrest,

hour after hour, day after day

My body:  You Belong.

There is purpose for your being.

How powerful and strong you are

Despite feeling so helpless

frustrated and overwhelmed,

pained and utterly exhausted.

You are amazing

You are precious

Keep fighting beautiful one

Oh little body how I love you.